Invincible Night- Almost   3 comments

In West Michigan, sometimes, there is very little to discern between night and day.  Our days are short, indeed, today being the shortest one in all the year.  For all its brevity, you might imagine the sun would want to come come out really swinging- but instead, out my window lies a misty sort of grey half light.  Only the faintest bit of snow has fallen and cannot yet cling to the too-warm earth, and so it fades away. 

This is not really my time of year, to be honest.  I don’t do well without enough light.  In fact, I am sitting here typing this message in front of my little goLite, full spectrum light device that allegedly is going to trick my body into making serotonin and maybe even some vitamin D.  I’m not betting the retirement on this idea, but it certainly isn’t going to hurt anything, except that its faintly blue light will very likely give me a headache if I keep it going more than 25 minutes at a shot.

Over the 15 years of practicing my  Celtic spirituality, I have often had trouble finding meaning in Yule, or at least any non-Christian portion of it.  So many of the neo-pagans tend to make this yet one more  “releasing the old” sabbat and I swear I have had enough of “releasing” for one year.  However, this year, I feel a sort of curling inward on myself.  Inside the deep dark is a whisper of ideas and inspiration and hard-won wisdom that rose after the bruises and cuts of the year have faded away.  I am in the process of losing many of the things that made me feel secure.    I knew with a mathematical certainty that this would happen when Hecate made her uninvited appearance into my life last summer. (Damn Greeks…..)  Everything changes.  Everything dies back and goes to sleep.  That is the mystery hiding in Yule.  To simply allow the dying and to embrace the sleep is the task of the seeker.

In the midst of the dark, a small ember stays alive, warming the seed inside me.  I feed it with whatever wisdom I managed to earn the hard way this year.  I go into the cold bones of the earth and hide there, curled inward on myself, remembering faint dreams of what went before and what will come as the infant sun grows larger and larger each day, piercing gloom and shining on whatever version of me will crawl out of the depths by spring.

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Posted December 21, 2011 by Jessica in Uncategorized

3 responses to “Invincible Night- Almost

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  1. That is a great insight, “to simply allow the dying and to embrace the sleep”. So much in spirituality is about releasing what does not fit so the practitioner can create what he or she wants now. But there is also something to the process of surrendering to what is, entering that emptiness without pushing one’s way out of it, and letting it find its natural resolution, whenever. I recently wrote on that theme too. Must be in the air.

    • Thanks for the comment! I have often had a hard time with the “allowing” part. I always think I can “fix” things and that can cause problems. I think that I miss out on lessons that I might have had by just waiting and resting and allowing things to unfold.

  2. I am definitely feeling all of what you’re puttin out. Kinda crawling into myself in a sleepy sort of way; whether for self-preservation or for basic instictual hybernative tendencies I am unsure, and at my core don’t really care. It comes naturally at this time of year.

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