Just a closet   1 comment

I’m packing today.  I was really exhausted from too much going on and not enough time and so I used a sick day to be at home, to be with my so whose fourth birthday is today, and to see if I could pack a few more things.  I’m leaving here in about nine days. I am happy to be going, though not happy about the way it’s happening and in truth, I just really hate to move. 

I was going through the front portion of my walk-in closet and putting things one at a time in a box.  Today I packed all of the gowns and skirts and bodices from my summers at the renaissance faires.  There were also the skirts and scarves, jewelry and belts hung with coins and bells from my very amateur and very fun bellydance days.  Hardly any of those memories are from my years here at this house, but I had brought them with me and carefully unpacked them when I arrived  I wondered why I had done that until I packed it all away again today, and the answer is: those things remind me of when I was just me; when I had freedom.  Don’t get me wrong; I adore my family.  I would be lost and devastated without my children.  However, the things that I packed today remind me of when I was just Jessica, and that version of Jessica was full of joy.  I wonder if I realized it back then.  I know that I will move and within a couple of years, probably move again to something hopefully more permanent for a while.  I also know that my box of freedom will come with me, no matter how many times I unpack and repack it.

Then there’s the back of my closet; my ritual area.  My sacred closet. Nearly all of my things are in boxes now.  There is hardly anything left in there except the two little tables and the cauldron, which is rather heavy and I would prefer to just carry rather than place it in a box.  The cauldron is full of bits of things that still need to be put away; a couple of little candles, a honey jar spell that is still in the works, and other items.  When I stand in my little sacred nook, the air of magic still lingers.  I thought it might go away when I disturbed everything, like maybe the magic would just dissipate and drift up into the blue sky and be gone from me.  It bears no resemblance to the haven I created for myself over about seven years.  It just looks like a closet, but it still feels like a place where disbelief is suspended and spirits still have a voice.  It feels like the gateway between worlds that I made it to be.  I know that I will have to slam that gateway shut and lock that magic up inside of me in just 9 days.  Then it will just be a closet again, in truth as well as form.  I will need to find a new nook.

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Posted July 25, 2012 by Jessica in Uncategorized

One response to “Just a closet

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  1. *Hugs*

    Sorry things are…well, chaotic for you, and not in a good way, it would seem. I detest moving…and would prefer never to do it again even as messed up as our little house is.

    I don’t think any of us appreciate those years gone by while we’re in them. *sigh* I know I never did. I try to appreciate the now more tho…knowing some day today will be yesterday…makes me want to enjoy it more and realize in the moment that it’s good, y’know?

    You’ll find a new nook. And it will be just as full of tangible magic as this one was!

    Hope it all goes smoothly for you!

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