I AM

Photo credit: Andrew Hanselman 2012

It has been an emotional February, and now March.  I have struggled and suffered, blaming  biochemistry and a set of formally repressed emotions whose time had come to rise and be heard.  The end of winter is known as a bad time for me.  Seasonal Affective Disorder is just the beginning.  Then today, after suffering most of the day, I attempted a nap and was tormented throughout. Medication did not help.  Meditation wasn’t much better.  With no other ideas,  I did a quick organization and then a deep sprititual cleansing of my room.  As I completed it, I said something to myself that was a mistake:  “I am under an oppression.”  Keep in mind, I am a reasonable person (usually.)  But this time, I noted that all of the things, including intensive spiritual cleansing had lifted up the darkness and suffering out of my room and I felt light and free.  Therefore, the only rational explanation I could come to about why I had been feeling so terrible before this was oppression from some source; probably from the energy discharge and stresses of my own life and whatever energetic goo I am picking up from others.  I’m not talking like hauntings, demons, discordant spirits, etc.  Nothing so exciting as all that.   I am more about psychology than parapsychology when it comes down to it..  I default to science over spirit, whether I like it or not.  However,  Just the oppression of human suffereing building up in my space was noticeable and its removal was noticeable.  I have been in great suffering and I felt it hang all around, like I just could not get away from it.  And then I did.

I have done this exact work about four weeks ago and yet I had to go do it again.  I mean, clean should have stayed clean.  But it hadn’t.  I had to do it again.  I was happy to do it again but I want it to stay.  Then tonight, as teachings tend to do, a teaching showed up for me just in time.

The teacher is Wayne Dyer.  He isn’t a witch, (I don’t think, ha!). He is a multi-cultural teacher.  The simplest message of all he is offering tonight on my PBS station is the importance of carefully using the phrase “I AM.”  For those of who come from a judeo-christian background or past know that God gave his name to the Moses as “I AM that I AM” and that was his name thereafter.  God (Gods, Goddess, Goddesses, you name it….) is in us, in our higher self.  So when we say “I am sick” or I am not smart”, we are taking the God/dess part of us and strangling that deity right out of us.  I tend to be a flagrant violator of this!  So when I said “I am under an oppression,” I am, because I have said it, with the name of God/Goddess.

So tonight as the night gets quiet and candles light the corners of my room, and my children sleep, I change my dialogue to “I am full of peace.  I am safe and I am whole.